www.inkthinkerblog.com — Okay, raise your hand if you know what it means when someone tells you that you’re doing too much telling and not enough showing in your writing. Those of you who raised your hands are excused, but are welcome to sit in.
For the rest of you, I’m so sorry that no one ever explained this to you–no wonder you’re confused! It’s not your fault that no one told you. Hopefully this will clear it up a bit moving forward. The following examples are from a YA novel I wrote a few years ago (and yes, it needs work and I know it, but this scene is perfect for this discussion, so bear with me–I swear I’ve gotten better since then).
TELLING
Telling is when you simply say what happens in a scene without actually showing it happening.
Mike asked Megan what happened at lunch. She told him how Kenny started choking, but he was okay until he realized what he’d been choking on: a bone. “So what?” Mike asked. Megan told him that it was in a hamburger. Mike suggested McDonald’s for lunch the next day, but teased Megan that there might be bones in the hamburgers there, too.
SHOWING
Showing is when you actually allow the events to unfold and demonstrate them for the reader so he or she can see them happening instead of the narrator just saying that they happened.
“So, what happened at lunch?” Mike asked, glancing at Megan while trying to keep the car moving in a straight line.
“Alissa, Jeni, Josh, Eric, Kenny and I were eating on that front wall thing by the flowers. We’re just sitting there when all of a sudden, Kenny starts choking. He spit it out right away and he was fine. That is, until he realized what he’d been choking on.”
“What was it?” Mike asked, his eyes on the road.
“A bone.”
“Yeah, and…?”
“He was eating a hamburger!” Megan cracked up.
“Are you serious? A bone in his hamburger?” Mike’s eyes were wide, and he was grinning broadly.
“Yup. I mean, I knew the cafeteria food was bad, but I didn’t know it was that bad,” Megan giggled.
“That’s the last time a make up a test during lunch. I miss too much.”
“Tell me about it. Non-stop laughs.”
“You want to hit Mickey D’s tomorrow?” Mike suggested, turning onto Megan’s street.
“Sure. That sounds great. On the other hand, anything would be better than burgers with bones.”
“Hmm… Maybe we shouldn’t go to McDonald’s after all,” Mike joked.
“Very funny.”
THE TAKE-AWAY
Telling can be good at times, when used appropriately and for effect. However, your entire book (or article, for that matter) should not be told to the reader–it should be shown to the reader.
This concludes today’s lesson.
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Talk is cheap. Good writing is priceless.
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Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King
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In first drafts, when I’m rushing, I tend to use pockets of telling in what I call “placeholders” when I want to get on with it. Then, I go back in the next draft and show it instead.
It would be better if I’d just do it all right the first time, but sometimes the part I want to reach is more important that the part I need to jot down to get there.
Very good example. Thanks!
See, that’s a perfect use of telling. You can tell yourself what’s going to happen in the scene so you remember when you come back to it. You just have to come back to it.
You know, I’m having some trouble with this for a couple reasons.
1.I think my genre, urban fantasy/paranormal accepts more telling. Or, I should say, when I analyze my genre it seems there are untaken opportunities for showing. By extension, I write to the style of my genre and I do the same, which is now causing me panic (what if I’m wrong?) as my ms. moves out of slush.
2.First person seems to require more ‘telling’ as part of the pov.
And I would love to see someone with editing experience (hint, hint) talk about how show don’t tell is different in first person, because I do believe it is different. There’s a lot more internal monologue and exposition, I think than in third or omniscent povs.
M
Excellent idea, Devon! And Kristen, this is perfect advice for anyone with a “telling” problem.
Hoooooo boy, demented m, does this give me ideas. You raise a great point, and I have a *lot* to say on this. Give me a couple of days.
Kristen
verification word: pwpwomd
umm…? $5 via PayPal to the person who comes up with the best definition of this word by July 31, 2006, at midnight.
Hi Kristen,
great example of showing vs. telling. Thanks for that and for your blog. I don’t know if I have commented on it before or only MEANT to. Anywhoooo, I do enjoy it and look forward to reading more.
Rob
Oh goody! Can’t wait to read your thoughts Kristen.
M
You’re too cute. :] Thanks.
kk