It’s Not You, It’s Me(me): 9 Tips for Making Your Blog Suck

Make Your Blog Suck With These 9 — Katharine Swan tagged me for a fun anti-blogging meme. Here’s my blogging advice guaranteed to make readers hate you and your blog.

  1. Use lots of cool online abbreviations. Bc when u wrt lk ths IDK WTF ur tklng abt if im nt rly awsm lk u LOL. (Translation: Because when you write like this I don’t know what the [expletive deleted] you’re talking about if I’m not really awesome like you, LOL.)
  2. Avoid correct punctuation, spelling and capitalization. because hey it’s just a blog and its nto like anyone like clients or readers or anyone sele important might see it and think your an idiot you dont need to worry about stuff like that becuase they know your really smart anywayt and its just because your typing on a blog and its not really paying work.
  3. Inject sweeping racial/religious/political beliefs into every post. Make a point of using vast generalizations to characterize leaders of other racial/religious/political groups. Insert slurs and offensive slang into your writing whenever possible. Make your blog your platform.
  4. Post lengthy rants about complicated situations that you don’t actually explain. Leave out the details and pitch an utterly baffling hissy fit that makes no sense to anyone but you because you’re too cheap to shell out money for the therapy you so desperately need. Also follow Nos. 1-3. And I’m not talking about doing what Writing Frump does or something like the Ivan situation where you get all the details except the names. I’m talking about a 3000-word diatribe about a guy with a face who says a thing about a thing and where does he get OFF?
  5. Steal content from other bloggers. Take entire posts. Don’t link back to the original bloggers. When someone calls you out on it, get mad at them and bash them publicly on your blog. Do the same for copyrighted images.
  6. Eviscerate commenters who disagree with you. Call them mean names. Question their sexuality. Bust out your best material from No. 3.
  7. Add new material only sporadically. Don’t post for months at a time. Do so consistently.
  8. Give too much personal information. About your sex life, your marriage, your constipation, that boil on your thigh, your relationship with your estranged cousin, whatever. Make people uncomfortable, particularly people who know you in real life.
  9. Use your blog as a place to air your grievances against other bloggers. Treat it like the sixth grade lunch room as much as possible.

I’m tagging Darren at Problogger, Brian at Copyblogger, Chris Garrett, and Liz Strauss at Successful Blog.

Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King

26 thoughts on “It’s Not You, It’s Me(me): 9 Tips for Making Your Blog Suck”

  1. Just wandered over here from Liz’s place and wanted to say that I think your blog is pretty cool, but I want to know, is this a hobby blog or a business blog? Because you have 2 separate and contradictory award nominations… ;-)

  2. Thanks for all the comments, everyone!

    @ Anna: I aim to please. ;]

    @ Scott: I have multiple personality disorder, and so do my readers. Some do it for business, some do it for fun, and we’ve got some posts for both groups.

    @ Dana: Girl, I don’t want to know!


  3. This is my first time here but thank you for saying what the rest of us were thinking – where do they find the time!

    Great read and I will definitely be back.

  4. To be honest I’m not sure how people can type whole posts in that “slang” speak! It takes me longer just to think of a shortcut like that for a word as opposed to just typing out the actual word! Id’ probably spend more time consciously thinking of “u” when I could just type out “you” in the first place.
    .-= Travis´s last blog ..Stop Whining =-.

  5. In reading some of your articles, I think I detect an overwhelming desire to be gracious and polite on your part. That’s pretty neat.

    I like to read blogs where I can learn something without the ranting.

    More folks should learn to disagree amiably. Keep up the proselytizing and may you make many converts!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>