An open letter to big fat cheaters everywhere

Kristen King

www.inkthinkerblog.com — The downside of posting ads on Craigslist is that I often get folks (particularly students) who want to hire me to do things that I consider completely unethical. Here’s what I’d like to say to each and every one of them.

Dear Cheater:

If I write your dissertation, then I get to have the degree. No, I’m serious. I want the degree, and I also want a percentage of your future earnings for life (my life or yours, whichever is longer–you can make checks payable to my estate if I kick first). After all, I will have earned them.

We’re not talking about outsourcing here, pal, we’re talking about cheating. In case you aren’t familiar with that term (though I’m guessing you’ve done it your whole life, or you’d be capable of researching and writing your own dissertation), cheating is bad. It’s stealing. It’s lying. It’s passing someone else’s work off as your own.

There are services and people out there who will tell you that “it’s not really cheating, it’s just like consulting a specialist for a medical problem” or something equally stupid, but you know what? They’re lying to you. They just want your money, so they’re going to tell you whatever you want to hear so they can get it. It is cheating, and their lies and your sense of flexible morals don’t change that one bit. Don’t believe me? Go ask your advisor what she thinks about it.

And speaking of your advisor, how would you feel if you found out that Dr. So-and-So paid someone else to write the paper that got her the degree that qualifies her to be your advisor in the first place? If your ethics are such that you want to hire me to write your dissertation, which you need to graduate with a degree that you won’t really have earned, and you don’t have a problem with that, maybe it won’t bother you that much. Me? I’d feel pretty betrayed.

So here’s the deal. If you’re trying to “outsource” your degree coursework because you don’t have time to do it, maybe you need to reevaluate your priorities. Maybe you need to ask for an extension. If you’re trying to talk some sucker into doing it for you because you don’t have the skills to do it yourself, maybe you need to reevaluate your priorities. And maybe, just maybe, you’re not cut out for this degree.

If you need to take time off, fine. If you need to go back and take some classes over again, just do it. You’ll be better of for it in the long run. But don’t fake your way through it. All that’s going to do is get you a degree you didn’t earn so you can get a job that you won’t be qualified for, which means that you’re going to spend the rest of your life paying other people to do your work and knowing deep down that you, and your entire career, are a fraud.

I refuse to be a part of that, and so will any other respectable writer.

Love,
Kristen

P.S. I’m not the only person who feels this way.