The rejection letter I’d love to receive

www.inkthinkerblog.com — All this thought about the rejection letter I’d love to send to Ivan got me thinking about what a great rejection letter might look like.

Here’s what I came up with in the shower this morning:

Dear Ms. King:

It is with deep regret that we write to you today to inform you that we are unable to publish your recent fiction submission, “The Best Thing You’ll Ever Read, I Guarantee It.” It was indeed, which, you see, is the problem.

After considering everything else we’ve published in our 81-year history, we realized that publishing your piece would ruin us. Compared with your work, everything that has appeared in the past looks like utter rubbish. We were left wondering, “J.D. who? What did we ever see in that guy?”

So since we can’t offer you publication, for reasons I’m sure you can understand given the circumstances, we’d like to offer you something else: the position of editor-in-chief. To accommodate your current geographic location, we’re happy to change our name to The Formerly-From-New-York-But-Moved-To-Virginia-er, and of course we will relocate our offices immediately to whatever location you feel will be most appropriate just in case you ever wish to grace our undeserving staff with your presence.

Ms. King, we sincerely hope you will accept this offer and not hold it against us that we cannot publish your work. Our hands are tied. But we feel confident that with you at the helm, we can steer our ship in a new and better direction. We eagerly await your reply.

Love,
The New Yorker

And this, my friends, is why it’s a bad idea to make enemies in the publishing business. ;]
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www.kristenkingfreelancing.com
Finalist in 2006 Writer’s Digest Best Writer’s Website Contest

Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King

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On working with an editor

www.inkthinkerblog.com — I really enjoyed this blog entry from Simon Haynes about the process of working with an editor to revise his manuscript.

This process is always dear to my heart, but it’s a bit more relevant for me this week. I just finished the first round of edits on an awesome memoir that will be coming out later this year, and the marked up manuscript is now in the author’s hands. I was a bit nervous sending it back to him because, quite frankly, he’s a first timer, and I was afraid he’d freak out when he saw how many changes there were. I didn’t rewrite the book or anything, but there were a lot of little things, and a couple of big things, too.

One suggestion that was of particular concern was that several very short chapters be combined into longer chapters in multiple places. I was expecting resistance on this one, but I was (and still am, if it comes down to it) prepared to fight for this one. “If you have trouble, or if this suggestion absolutely horrifies you,” I said in my cover letter, “let me know.”

So yeah, there were a lot of changes. But it’s an amazing book, and needing edits doesn’t make it any less awesome. I might even embrace the cliche and call it life changing. I love it. I’m proud to be associated with it. There were several parts I had to read over and over because I kept getting wrapped up in the story and forgot I was supposed to be editing instead of just reading.

The thing is, as Haynes alluded to in his post, a lot of authors panic when they get back “fourteen pages of notes and comments” from their respective editors. It shakes their confidence. They think that because there are changes required, the book must suck, and they must be terrible writers. That’s not the case. Well, okay, scratch that–sometimes, it’s the case. But not always.

The editor’s job is to make good things even better, and to keep you from getting in your story’s way. Your editor is drawing out the best parts of your story and helping you to better support them. So when you get those notes and changes back from any editor, remember that this is now the exciting part of the process. This is the part where your manuscript really starts turning into a book. Celebrate.
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www.kristenkingfreelancing.com
Finalist in 2006 Writer’s Digest Best Writer’s Website Contest

Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King

8 comments

Nobody loves me

www.inkthinkerblog.com — Nobody at Technorati, anyway. There is some fatal flaw with the coding on my blog, which of course I know nothing about given that IT’S A TEMPLATE. The whole appeal of blogging at Blogger is that’s it’s easy: You type, you click, you go make a margarita. If I wanted to learn HTML and thoroughly code every word I type, I probably wouldn’t be using Blogger, now would I? I ran Technorati’s recommended validation thing, and so did a kind soul in one of my forums, and we have discovered that evidently there are 407 things about my blog that Technorati hates. Only 407? Gee, that’s a relief. This is what I get for jumping on a bandwagon. I give up.

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www.kristenkingfreelancing.com
Finalist in 2006 Writer’s Digest Best Writer’s Website Contest

Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King

8 comments

Technorati

www.inkthinkerblog.com — I know I should be doing the Technorati thing with my blog, so I finally joined up. I’m not sure exactly what to do now, though. Evidently I’m supposed to claim my blog, but I have no idea how to do that. I clicked “Claim your blog” and entered my URL, and I posted the link to my Technorati profile on the sidebar, but I keep getting error messages. This relationship is not starting well…

Kristen
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www.kristenkingfreelancing.com
Finalist in 2006 Writer’s Digest Best Writer’s Website Contest

Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King

0 comments

Oh, Ivan, you sweet talker

www.inkthinkerblog.com — As a follow-up to yesterday’s post “How do these people find me?” (which, in retrospect, should have been called “Why do these people harass me?”), I thought I’d share a little update on “Ivan” and his reply to my message. After informing me that I had “flamed” him and that suggesting that next time I “better be polite than and have manners with respect,” Ivan observed, “you sound desparate and you are not getting enough.” So wait, what that an example of manners and respect? Or was it sending the still poorly spelled, capitalized, and punctuated personal attack marked as urgent and requesting a read receipt? I’m not sure. Jeez, if I’m so dumb that I can’t figure that out, I have to “feel sorry for the people who work for [me],” too.

Tip: If someone calls you out on not reading the guidelines, which explicitly contain all of the information you asked for repeatedly even after being directed to the guidelines, responding in the manner of Ivan makes it look like (a) you’re embarrassed that you were such an idiot as to have multiple opportunities to read the guidelines and still didn’t and now you’re mad because you feel stupid, or (b) you’re illiterate to the point that reading the guidelines repeatedly made absolutely no impression. Just read the guidelines and move forward, or count it as a learning experience and move on.

Being blacklisted at Notes in the Margin isn’t going to make a huge impact on most writer’s careers, but hey, you never know. The newsletter editor you attack today could be editor-in-chief of the New Yorker in five years, and may have a great memory–and a lot of editor friends.
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www.kristenkingfreelancing.com
Finalist in 2006 Writer’s Digest Best Writer’s Website Contest

Contents Copyright © 2006-2014 Kristen King

7 comments